Stinky Kid

Stinkologist Tom Faroogman has been tirelessly working over the past several years finding evidence to prove his theory which states “if a person deals a fart he will enjoy it’s smell, sound, and rank atmosphere.”

The evidence was not hard to obtain, yet took many years of testing to obtain accurate results.  The testing placed a sample of 200 Stinkykids and 200 Norms in isolated rooms with nothing but a family sized bag of Funyuns and a 2-liter of Mountain Dew, and for dinner a burrito.  A questionnaire was given to all subjects to aide in determining their reaction to  fart stimuli.  Subjects were encouraged to answer honestly and were connected to lie detectors for further confirmation.  After years of difficult work an answer to the question had risen: as Tom says, “Farts are indeed enjoyed, much enjoyed.  Stinky’s have a tendency to admit that readily and question the necessity or point of the testing, while Norms were quite surprised by the counter-intuitive results.  Norms find that since others do not enjoy their farts that neither should they; flawed logic I say.”

Faroogman goes on to say, “many think that farts are funny, but mostly Stinkykids.  The evidence whether farts are enjoyable to your senses is far more illusive.  The question had not even come up before I posed it, it was merely an urban myth, only true by faith.  No one dared questioned, they would be an outcast amongst outcasts.”  Faroogman had been told as a child that scientists had proven that everyone enjoys the smell of their own farts.  He knew that he agreed with this statement, but was unsure it’s universal truth.  Tom began to notice a pattern of people being ashamed of their flatulence, as though it were a burden instead of a gift.  The knowledge that scientists had not proved the enjoyability of farts came at the start of his college days, and enraged him.  He decided to prove what he knew to be true at any cost, even if it took the rest of his life.  His knowing was not enough, he wanted to take the worlds nose and rub it into the carpet soaked with it’s own fart smell and make it admit it had been wrong.

Having solved this mystery Faroogman is not satisfied, “I would like to solve the holy grail of flatulent queries, namely, are farts themselves funny?”  He plans to begin preliminary investigations into this matter within a short while.  Until then he plans to, as he says,  “open a bag of Funyuns, kick back in my La-Z-Boy, and enjoy a nice quiet vacation, just me and my farts.”

This author thinks that whether farts are proven funny or not, they are enjoyable and a special part of all of our lives everyday.  I say, love your farts, they’re so stinkin’ good.

It seems that the “Norms” are finally wising up to something that we Stinkies have known for centuries, and although a public apology has not yet been heard for the years of judgment and “Ewww”-ing, we are sure that one is forthcoming.

According to Austrian lung specialist Dr. Friedrich Bischinger, picking your nose and eating what you find is one of the best (and most inexpensive) ways of staying healthy. The doc goes on to say that people who pick their noses with their fingers were healthier, happier and probably better in-tune with their bodies. “With the finger you can get to places you just can’t reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner,” adds Dr. Bischinger.

“Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do. In terms of the immune system the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine. Modern medicine is constantly trying to do the same thing through far more complicated methods, people who pick their nose and eat it get a natural boost to their immune system for free.  I would recommend a new approach where children are encouraged to pick their nose. It is a completely natural response and medically a good idea as well.”

Top Stinkologist Josh Greenboog predicts a 1.2% increase in booger eaters in the next 5 years, making this a great day for Stinky Kids everywhere, and ensuring a brighter future for our Stinky Children.   Said Greenboog, “This is something that has been known in the Stinky Science community for  a long time, and we have been trying to convince these assholes for years!  While of course we are glad that the Norm public is now aware of this important health issue, it kinda pisses us off, that they didn’t listen to us and are now taking credit for this  groundbreaking research.   However, I have to wonder about this Dr.  Bischinger.  With all this talk of boogers being easier to reach with the finger, we here at Stink Tech are wondering if he isn’t an Austrian ‘Closet Wafter’, that is to say, a Stinky Kid who has not yet revealed himself to the public.  This method of being taken seriously by the Norm’s medical community has been largely scoffed at by Stinky Scientists.”

In the meantime, we are glad that the news is out, to all communities, and hope that this breakthrough will be taken seriously by the Norms and the Non-Pick Stinkies alike.

It has just come to the attention of this stinkporter that a great injustice is being done in the area of Houston, Texas. Wait, no, it was done several years ago, but still! The leaders of that far too fair city have passed regulations stating that ‘patrons with offensive bodily hygiene that constitutes a nuisance to others will not be allowed inside the library.’ What? Seriously? First you alienate us, then you stop making acid washed jeans in an obvious attempt to control our numbers by inhibiting our mating habits, and now we can’t even use the libary! This shall not stand! There will be rioting in the streets! Or there would be if Houston hadn’t already tightened the noose on stinky freedoms! I reserve the right to have offensive body odor and to be a nuisance to whomever I please!

FREEEEEDDDDOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

According to our data farts could or could not be funny. The latest results indicate that 50% think that farts are funny and 50% stand by a fart-unfunny way of thinking. You need to make the difference. Please vote in the poll, let the world know if farts are funny or outdated.

Conclusive proof has been established that farts are indeed funny. It seems that 66.66% of poll respondants agree that indeed, farts are funny, leaving 33.33% in the absolute wrong. It looks like comedians have a new focal point for their acts if they get in the game soon.

Although, it must be pointed out that 100% of the respondants were stinky kids, and people who associate with each other somewhat regularly, so the results are far from randomized. Still though, conclusive proof.

StinkyJournalism.org is a website dedicated to rooting out news stories that stink. Check out the news site that admits, “facts smell fishy” and claims to “snoot out the stink factor.” Can this site be trusted? Stinky experts do not want to comment, but it is at least a good read, with editorials on such actual news stories as “Monkeyfishing: Cruel and Unusual? or Good Sporting Fun?” and “Cat gives birth to Puppies!”
Stinkykid.com is hoping to exchange links with Stinkyjournalism.com at some date in the near future. Maybe even some brand of Stinky Alliance! After all, they’re dedicated to bringing the stinky news to people, and we’re dedicated to bringing news to stinky people.

We’ve got a new contributing author, he is an x-member of the Xiox cult. Later, he helped bring down the cult and save the life of a young lad named Troy in the process. He is Zap Rowsdower, and we’re very glad to hear his insight into the stinky kid realm, which he knows so much about.

That’s right. stinkykid.com is back up. You guys probably all thought that we had given up on the majestic duties of Stinktologists. Nope, and please have more faith next time.